Dating 101

I know it’s been a while since I’ve dated but is it really as hard as you make it? Stretching my memory back a few years plus recalling all the discussions with my single friends I believe you are making harder on yourself than necessary. Here are my thoughts.

(Disclaimer) Don’t get mad at me because of what I say, most of you come to me for advice anyway. I’m not singling anyone out or naming any names.

1: Stop trying to make everyone “the one”. Not everyone is worthy of being “the one” and if you think everyone is, how will you know when it is “the one”. There is a BIG difference between “right now” and “the one”. It is OK to have a “right now”, you know it’s not going anywhere either accept it or move on.

2: If you are not OK with casual/open dating admit it to yourself. It is still acceptable to be a relationship person. Some people are more comfortable with exclusivity. If you are that person you need to tell the person you’re dating, as well as if you are the casual dater tell the other person. If they are not on the same path as you, move on.

3: If you aren’t looking for a committed relationship PLEASE tell the other person and PLEASE don’t treat this person as the boyfriend/girlfriend, it confuses them. If you spend the bulk of your free time together and they’ve met and hang out with you and your friends, guess what…… you now have a boyfriend/girlfriend in their mind. Be open and honest with them up front and enforce it. You can’t pull the “I told you I wasn’t looking for a relationship”, you did this and good luck undoing it in a peaceful manor.

4: Communicate. Here’s a tip for the guys: Most of us girls will over think every single thing you say. Try hard to leave no room for interpretation. We will contort your words and drive ourselves insane.

Girls my tip for you: Stop over analyzing everything! If he didn’t say it, he didn’t say it. Guys don’t speak in code, most of them don’t speak in full paragraphs like we do but in sentences. (no insult fellas, I wish I could get my words out in a sentence.)

Most of the population is not psychic. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Speak damn it!

5: Lists are meant for groceries and chores. If you keep a list keep it short, 5 “can’t live without” max. You don’t like it when you are compared or put in a category, so why are you doing it to someone else? Perfection does not exist, no one will ever match all 953 of your requirements.

6: Step out of your comfort zone. If you have been dating the same type over and over again and have no luck, try something new. If you keep dating athletes and your heart is always broken, stop dating athletes. If you get flustered with Miss High-Maintenance, try a more laid-back girl.

7: Stop judging. Just because the car they drive is 10 years old shouldn’t make them undateable. If the car is paid off there’s more money to have fun with and it shows a little responsibility. Not everyone can be a CEO or a billionaire, are you?

This isn’t Rocket Science just good old common sense. Know what you want, more importantly know what you need and don’t settle for less than you deserve.

Thank You

Often times we don't take the time to be thankful for the things that have happened and made us the people we are. There are so many things that have molded me into the person I am. I'd like to give thanks to those things and people. Those of you who know me well know this will be laced with sugar and salt.

Thank you to my amazing parents. Without you I wouldn't be alive. I couldn't have been given the opportunities to accomplish the things I have in life. You could have put your pregnant 15 year old daughter on the street, but you chose to support me and help me. Thank you, I love you!

Speaking of being 15 and pregnant, thank you to my friends who were there. Thank you to the "friends" who abandoned me and chose not to be my friend. You taught me how to make new friends and how to have thick skin. Thank you even more to the friends who stood beside me and to the people who stepped up to the plate and became my friend. Those who took a lower grade in PE so I didn't have to walk the track alone, the people who continued to eat lunch with me, and the ones who went in to a panic when I was close to my due date and they couldn't find me.

Thank you to my girlfriends. You've always been there to help me pick up the pieces of my life when they've fallen apart. You've made me laugh, cry, think, you've made me realize that maybe I'm not as screwed up as I thought. We've been through so much together and have so much more to do.

To the "fake friends" I really can only say Bite me Bitches! But again you made me remember to have thick skin. Without you I may have forgotten not to trust everyone who tells you they are trustworthy. And jealousy is one ugly monster that will consume you if not careful.

Thank you to all the boyfriends, both good and bad. The bad ones taught me how I didn't want to be treated, how to stand up for myself and how not to be controlled. You only had as much power over me as I gave you, and I took back all my power. To all the good ones, thank you for teaching me how I deserved to be treated and for helping rebuilding my self esteem. I'm sure those we not easy tasks.

Thank you to my beautiful children. They have taught me the most. I've learned how to love unconditionally, how to laugh at myself, how to be silly, and to conquer my fears. Everyday I learn something new about myself through them. Because of them I learned to grow up and that everything is not about me. I now understand the meaning of sacrifice and have no problems doing it.

Thank you to everyone in my life. You are there for a reason. People come in and out of your life to a reason, you may not always understand why. Often you may never know their purpose, but there is a lesson in everyone of us.