New Years Resolutions

Why do people make Resolutions every 12/31 about what they are going to do and/or stop doing on 1/1? How many of us have ever kept up with these claims? Most don't make it past February.
What is so magical about the changing of the calendar? Yes it's a new year and "it's a new start", but every 6/1 is a new 6/1 too. Some of my favorite resolutions are:
1) I'm going to loose weight?
me: Well good luck with that (you need to, so do I). But have a game plan. It's a lifestyle change that will accomplish this goal. Food, fitness and attitude all need to change in order for you to effectively make this happen.
2) I'm going to save money.
me: Good luck! Again lifestyle change. People trying to bulk up the savings account can't be buying Coach bags and $300 jeans. Clip coupons, shop sales, buy non designer bags and jeans ( I know I have a filthy mouth).
3) I'm going to be a better person!
me: Umm...good luck. How do you plan to do this? Attitude change is the only way this is going to happen.
4) I'm going to find LOVE!!
me: GOOD LUCK with that one! If you look you won't find it. If you try too hard it won't be real. This one too may need a change in yourself to be accomplished.
5) I'm going to stop using profanity.
me: OK, good luck on that adventure! Hell I'm not even going to try to change that.
6) I think it's time for me to act like "a grown up"
me: Define a "grown up?" But if you feel that you don't meet your definition of a "grown up" it's all about the lifestyle changes.

I think I've successfully pointed out that it's not the change of the calendar that will make Resolutions a success but the CHANGE IN YOU! To everyone who makes a Resolution as we change from 2010 to 2011, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! Happy New Year!

Rice is my Nemesis

Sad to admit but rice is my nemesis! I can't cook rice to save my life. I've mastered things that are 20 times more complex than plain old rice, but perfect rice eludes me!

My Blueberry-Peach Cobbler give you a warm tingly feeling down below. My Mini Meatloaves have become legendary. My Chicken Noodle soup warms your heart and soul. I've perfected Roasted Asparagus, but a freaking cup of rice I can't handle.

I can make dishes that will have you licking the plate clean as long as it doesn't contain rice. Why is it?! I follow the directions exactly, no interpretations. It's either undercooked, burned, or mush.

I guess for Christmas Santa needs to deliver a Rice Cooker to me. Maybe with the help of another gadget I'll defeat the rice!

Public Potty Ettiqutte

Now whatever you philosophy at home is that's completely your business. But when you are in public, for example at work follow some simple rules of etiquette.

1. If there are 10 open stalls in the bathroom don't go in to the one next to me. It's just weird!

2. Don't talk to yourself on the toilet. It's creepy! This includes thanking Jesus.

3. Why are you on the phone? I don't have a shy bladder, however I don't think your child's teacher needs to hear me pee. Stay off the phone.

4. FLUSH!!!!! And make sure it flushes. By all means use your foot to push down the handle, it's so simple and you can count it as 1 leg lift completed from todays workout.

5. Clean up behind yourself and wash your hands prior to leaving the bathroom. Everyone will talk about you if you don't. And that's nasty!

Following these 5 itty bitty little rules will make the world a happier place. Thank You!

Vote or SHUT UP!

Tomorrow is Election Day. No it's not the Presidential Election, but this is just as important. Whether you're an Elephant, Donkey or a Bag of Tea you need to vote. In this day and age there is no reason to be uneducated on who is running and what they stand for. If you're reading this it's obvious you are literate therefore you are capable to read up and do some research. Don't just vote for who you parents, grandparents, spouse, friends, minister or teacher tell you to, think for yourself! Look to several media outlets for information, don't rely on only Fox News or CNN or Comedy Central. Remember the media is not doing their job if you are not afraid.

The President can't do anything without the House and Senate or vice versa. One is powerless without the other. Your local government is equally important. Local is who decides how to spend your state taxes and decides if our roads are improved, schools are closed, and fights for new businesses. We are all put off by the shape the country, but we are not powerless.

Rumor has it that NC is looking to adopt a similar immigration policy as AZ. It's possible that my biracial sons will need identification to prove they are Natural American Citizen whose parents are Natural Citizens too. Ellis has recently developed his own Spanglish, and I prefer to not have to fight INS to prove the boy is American therefore I will be voting.

If you do or don't support Healthcare Reform, make your voice heard. If you do or don't support tax increases, make your voice heard. If you have a stance on gay marriage, make your voice heard. If you have an opinion of immigration, make your voice heard. Vote or SHUT UP!!

Mom of the Year?

In my circle of friends I am referred to as "Mom of the Year", however I often don't feel this way. When I go to kid functions it's like the 1st day of school, I feel awkward and don't really fit in. There are usually two groups of moms and I don't fall into either group.

The first is the disheveled frantic mom. She may have on ill fitting jeans or sweats. Often her hair is in a ponytail or not combed. Chapstick is the only makeup this mom needs. She runs around trying to keep her gaggle of children in line, she uses the fact that she has kids as her excuse for her appearance and her lack of being able to remember names and such. She looks down on you for working, for having yourself pulled together, she has forgotten that she is a person other than a mom. The only topic she'll talk about is childbirth and children.

The next is the Perfect Mom. She will have all of her hair plastered in place, no smudged eyeliner, and her clothes are neatly ironed. She is ALWAYS on time. Her kids are always neat and clean, they stand in line and follow directions. She is the mom who brings individual cupcakes or cookies with each of the children on the teams name written on them in calligraphy. Her house is spotless, you could lick the floor. She can cary on a conversation about a few more topics other than motherhood, but keep in clean and sweet!

I am not either of these women. Maybe bits of both, but I'm my own hybrid of Mom! I show up at my kids functions like a person. Friday I went straight from work to Ellis' T-Ball ceremony, I had on skinny jeans, a tunic and boots, my hair was normal and I had on makeup. The other mothers looked at me like I didn't belong there. Through out the season I tried to talk to the other moms, but I could only listen to their story about childbirth so many times. I will continue to push my son to be involved in activities but really could live without the snobby attitudes of the other women.

I'm not traditional nor is my family. I drink and cuss, I wear athletic attire when I'm going to be athletic, lounge wear is for lounging. I didn't stop being a person because I created another. I live for my kids. I love to talk about things other than my tiny humans. My kids are well rounded and know how to function around others. Are they always well behaved? No, not really, but they are kids they shouldn't be! My step-sons love collard greens, I love my boys so I take on the painstaking task of cutting up greens. It's 10PM and Aubrey wants pumpkin bread, I'll whip it out, Ellis is obsessed with tacos we have Taco Tuesday. I now know things about comic books because of my son. I really didn't want to see MSI in concert, but the girl did so I went. My kids will look clean in public, I let them develop their own self and their own look. Ellis will burst into the Batman theme song at any given moment and that's OK. Aubrey has red hair and a nose ring, she's 16 if these are the worse things she's doing, I'm doing a damn good job! My kids are socially aware, they don't discriminate, they are involved in good causes.

So yes at 4 Aubrey tried to order a Margarita instead of a Quesadilla and Ellis at 2 tried to drink my glass of Merlot by calling in Coke. The twins used to refer to other tan people as "Chinese Mexican" when they were little. Ellis will probably call you a sucker-punk, Aubrey will roll her eyes, Jaydin will not listen and Jaymond will suck his teeth, but they do it all with decent grades and by pulling their weight at home. So yes I am Mom of the Year! This year and every year! And if you don't agree I'll just unleash my brood of Kids on you!

Dating 101

I know it’s been a while since I’ve dated but is it really as hard as you make it? Stretching my memory back a few years plus recalling all the discussions with my single friends I believe you are making harder on yourself than necessary. Here are my thoughts.

(Disclaimer) Don’t get mad at me because of what I say, most of you come to me for advice anyway. I’m not singling anyone out or naming any names.

1: Stop trying to make everyone “the one”. Not everyone is worthy of being “the one” and if you think everyone is, how will you know when it is “the one”. There is a BIG difference between “right now” and “the one”. It is OK to have a “right now”, you know it’s not going anywhere either accept it or move on.

2: If you are not OK with casual/open dating admit it to yourself. It is still acceptable to be a relationship person. Some people are more comfortable with exclusivity. If you are that person you need to tell the person you’re dating, as well as if you are the casual dater tell the other person. If they are not on the same path as you, move on.

3: If you aren’t looking for a committed relationship PLEASE tell the other person and PLEASE don’t treat this person as the boyfriend/girlfriend, it confuses them. If you spend the bulk of your free time together and they’ve met and hang out with you and your friends, guess what…… you now have a boyfriend/girlfriend in their mind. Be open and honest with them up front and enforce it. You can’t pull the “I told you I wasn’t looking for a relationship”, you did this and good luck undoing it in a peaceful manor.

4: Communicate. Here’s a tip for the guys: Most of us girls will over think every single thing you say. Try hard to leave no room for interpretation. We will contort your words and drive ourselves insane.

Girls my tip for you: Stop over analyzing everything! If he didn’t say it, he didn’t say it. Guys don’t speak in code, most of them don’t speak in full paragraphs like we do but in sentences. (no insult fellas, I wish I could get my words out in a sentence.)

Most of the population is not psychic. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Speak damn it!

5: Lists are meant for groceries and chores. If you keep a list keep it short, 5 “can’t live without” max. You don’t like it when you are compared or put in a category, so why are you doing it to someone else? Perfection does not exist, no one will ever match all 953 of your requirements.

6: Step out of your comfort zone. If you have been dating the same type over and over again and have no luck, try something new. If you keep dating athletes and your heart is always broken, stop dating athletes. If you get flustered with Miss High-Maintenance, try a more laid-back girl.

7: Stop judging. Just because the car they drive is 10 years old shouldn’t make them undateable. If the car is paid off there’s more money to have fun with and it shows a little responsibility. Not everyone can be a CEO or a billionaire, are you?

This isn’t Rocket Science just good old common sense. Know what you want, more importantly know what you need and don’t settle for less than you deserve.

Thank You

Often times we don't take the time to be thankful for the things that have happened and made us the people we are. There are so many things that have molded me into the person I am. I'd like to give thanks to those things and people. Those of you who know me well know this will be laced with sugar and salt.

Thank you to my amazing parents. Without you I wouldn't be alive. I couldn't have been given the opportunities to accomplish the things I have in life. You could have put your pregnant 15 year old daughter on the street, but you chose to support me and help me. Thank you, I love you!

Speaking of being 15 and pregnant, thank you to my friends who were there. Thank you to the "friends" who abandoned me and chose not to be my friend. You taught me how to make new friends and how to have thick skin. Thank you even more to the friends who stood beside me and to the people who stepped up to the plate and became my friend. Those who took a lower grade in PE so I didn't have to walk the track alone, the people who continued to eat lunch with me, and the ones who went in to a panic when I was close to my due date and they couldn't find me.

Thank you to my girlfriends. You've always been there to help me pick up the pieces of my life when they've fallen apart. You've made me laugh, cry, think, you've made me realize that maybe I'm not as screwed up as I thought. We've been through so much together and have so much more to do.

To the "fake friends" I really can only say Bite me Bitches! But again you made me remember to have thick skin. Without you I may have forgotten not to trust everyone who tells you they are trustworthy. And jealousy is one ugly monster that will consume you if not careful.

Thank you to all the boyfriends, both good and bad. The bad ones taught me how I didn't want to be treated, how to stand up for myself and how not to be controlled. You only had as much power over me as I gave you, and I took back all my power. To all the good ones, thank you for teaching me how I deserved to be treated and for helping rebuilding my self esteem. I'm sure those we not easy tasks.

Thank you to my beautiful children. They have taught me the most. I've learned how to love unconditionally, how to laugh at myself, how to be silly, and to conquer my fears. Everyday I learn something new about myself through them. Because of them I learned to grow up and that everything is not about me. I now understand the meaning of sacrifice and have no problems doing it.

Thank you to everyone in my life. You are there for a reason. People come in and out of your life to a reason, you may not always understand why. Often you may never know their purpose, but there is a lesson in everyone of us.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

Well it's been seven years now, and seven is harder than one was. I think it's because of how challenging this year has been for me. I've faced so many fears this past year. I've thought of you many times to help me get through my troubles.

There is so much that you've missed that I wish you were here to share in. I have an amazing son who in many ways reminds me of you. He is smart like his grandfather and wants to understand how things work and why. This is a trait you also passed to me. You two would have been great friends. He loves to eat and is not afraid of any food. He even loves tomatoes just like you.

Aubrey has grown into a beautiful young lady. She also got your brains. She has a big heart but doesn't want anyone to know, just like you. She keeps me in line.

I wish I had the opportunity to tell you how much you meant to me. And to thank you for being the most loving father I could have ever asked for. You spoiled me and let me believe the world was mine. You and mom taught me to love myself and not to let anyone push me around. You taught me to love and be brave. You showed me it was ok to lose sometimes but not to give up. You were always there to catch me when I fell, even though sometimes you should have let me fall.

Because of you I eat ice cream out of a coffee mug, I don't tie my shoe laces perfectly, I want answers to my questions, I know how to drive, I am not computer illiterate, I love spicy foods. Like you I don't need to be recognized for everything I do.

I wish we had more time together or I had at least taken better advantage of the time we did have. I understand that time is not guaranteed to us and every moment is precious. There are so many times I want to pick up the phone and call you and I can't, but I close my eyes and think of you and try to imagine what you would say to me. I love you and will always miss you.

Thank you for being my Daddy!

VBS

I'm not talking about Vacation Bible School. (sorry mommy) But I'm talking about visible bra straps. We've already discussed the panty line but because it is shoulder baring season this is another topic that must be addressed!

I will let the straps slipping out from your tank go. But if you are wearing a racerback tank and don't adjust your straps that's just wrong. Bras come in many styles with adjustable straps if you don't want to spend the extra for a racerback . Or how about creating your own, it's as simple as a carefully placed safety pin or one of those nifty little bra clips. (the clips give you an extra boost too)

Please ohh please if you are wearing a halter style top or dress go strapless or adjust the straps again. We all know you wear a bra, we just don't want to see the straps showing on your shoulders. You look ridiculous! Also if the straps don't fit don't tie them together.

When wearing a strapless top, wear a strapless bra. There shouldn't have to be an explanation on that. Bra straps hanging out of a tube top is just tacky.

If you need the support of straps opt for styles of tops that cover them. There are plenty of flattering shirts and dresses for woman whose girls need extra support. Or learn the art of layering.

Rule of thumb white girls don't wear black bras under thin white shirts, or red or really any color other than nude. Flesh tones can be tricky, try to find one as close as possible to you skin tone. White and black are not skin tones. Bras are undergarments, meant to be under your garments.

To push up or not is a personal choice, but if you are over a small B or the age of 24 a bra is no longer a choice. It is a requirement.

Just a warning this is a slightly angry post. Read at your our risk. Friend by definition: 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony. 3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe? No where in this does it specify restrictions. But people have these ideas about who you can and can't be friends with. Me I say SCREW THE RULES! Why should I have to change friends because I got married? Did my friends suddenly become criminals? It is not their fault that they are single, nor mine. My close friends the people who I'd die for have all been a part of my life for a minimum of 10 years. That's a lot of things to go through together. Tons of happy times and sad times. But I should disregard all of it. The births of children, divorces, ER visits, deaths of family, falling in love and then getting your heart broken, just great talks and laughter. I should throw them out like garbage. Or only speak to them through the occasional email, text or phone call. Or maybe a casual Sunday brunch. But it's wrong for me to go out and let my hair down with the non-married girls. Or somehow after all this time I'm supposed to make an entire new group of friends, do you know how hard it is to find people who can get me? I do have married friends and I enjoy my time with them too. But I will not substitute the people who've held me up when I'm at my lowest and who have cheered me on when I'm at my highest. My next issue is why is it that people think men and women can't be friends? I did not realize that we are so animalistic that if men and women are together it has to be sexual. We are so primal that there could be no other connection. Most girls don't like other girls so it's easier to be friends with the guys. This is not the 1800's where men and women can converse about things and it's OK. I can watch UFC or Basketball and enjoy it too. Not all females do. And why couldn't I be friends with ex's? Some yes I could never be friends with. But some yes. They already know how batshit crazy I am and know my issues and can often give fantastic advise, because they survived and got out alive. And lastly! Why are we expected to have friends just like ourselves? I don't fit into a mold. I am a unique individual as are my people. I have friends of many different races, religions, class, and taste. But I guess I should pick a genre and stick with it. My own family is a blended mess of wonderfulness!!!!

Thank You for those of you who I call Friends. New applications will be accepted.

25 Random Nothingness About Me

Here are 25 random facts about me. I'm biting from my dear friend Nefertari.

1: I'm an only child. As if you couldn't tell

2: I make yummy Margaritas and Mojitos. It is that time of year.

3: I'm a shoe addict. If you know of any SA meetings let me know.

3: I like Butter Popcorn flavored Jelly Belly's

4: I have 1 tattoo, working on #2

5: I like red peppers better than green.

6: I like red wine over white.

7: Red is my favorite color. I'm sure you figured that out by now.

8: I can't spell, spell check saves my life!

9: I'm terrified of needles. I will pass out if I get a shot or have blood drawn.

10: I talk way too damn much!

11: I love to cook! Giada De Laurentiis doesn't intimidate me with all her perfection.

12: I'm distractable.

13: I can't sing. Honestly a dying cat sounds better than me singing.

14: I'm an awesome friend. (tooting my own horn) But my besties are just as amazing. Ya'll know who you are.

15: Love music. Not one style in particular. Not much of a country fan. My playlist make me seem like I have multiple personalities.

16: I can't decide between chocolate or vanilla ice cream. If I can I'll take swirled

17: My kids are the loves of my life

18: I have bad timing

19: I'd be completely lost without my i-phone.

20: I'm still lost watching Lost.

21: I'm a side and/or stomach sleeper.

22: I can still do a cartwheel.

23: I am picky! I like what I like and know what that is.

24: I like to be in control, but I know when to give in. Or make you think I have.

25: I believe in fate and chance.

Hope you enjoyed a glimpse into me.

Positive & Negative

People life sucks! OK now that that’s out of the way, accept it and move on. Not every negative can be turned into a positive. But a lot of them can, it may take creativity. I’ll point out some of my negatives and try to put a positive spin on them.

Negative: I’m short.
Positive: I can squeeze through a crowd easily. People often feel bad for me and let me stand in front of them so I can see. People think it’s cute to be short, I’ll take the extra cuteness factor. My favorite positive is, I can wear heels and not worry about “am I too tall”.

Negative: I have some stretch marks. I hate them, REALLY hate them.
Positive: But they are the result of my fabulous children, and that is a major positive.

Negative: I have thick thighs, hips, and butt.
Positive: I have thick thighs, hips, and butt. It’s nice to know people watch you walk across a room. It’s funny to know you’ve almost caused a traffic accident or two. And if the world ends in 2012 I’ll live longer than some of you bean poles, I have some extra fat stored up so it’ll take longer for me to starve.

Negative: I’m crazy.
Positive: I’m never dull.

Negative: I’m super opinionated.
Positive: I always can carry on a conversation. I can talk about something other than my hair or juice boxes.

Negative: I had colorectal cancer.
Positive: I’ve faced my biggest fear at 31. My self-importance has increased. And the biggest positive of all I’m ALIVE!

As you can tell I know that I’m not perfect. I’m seriously messed up. But it’s all about what you do with that knowledge. You can either wallow in misery or revel in the fun of insanity. I prefer to embrace the insanity.

A Kick Off to Spring

It’s about that time of year, Sandal Time. So we need to have a discussion about feet. Proper foot care and sandal fit are extremely important!

I’ll start with the fit. First if your toes or heels are hanging off the shoe, they do not fit. Your toes should not look like an eagles talons gripping a tree branch. Most sandals and peep toe shoes have a seam or some small indicator of where your toes should stop. Wearing your flip flops 2 sizes too big is not cute, it just looks sloppy. If your size is out of stock it’s not meant to be or go online and order but please don’t smash your feet in to a shoe too small or swim in one too big. If your pinkie toe is hanging off the side or screaming for help and popping through the straps, this is not the sandal for you. Put it down and walk away.

I personally prefer toes to be painted or at least a French Pedicure. If you are a painter like me, please no chips. It’s just tacky. If you are an occasional painter when you remove your polish make sure to get those little stuck on bits off too. Remove the polish that can get stuck in the cuticle. If your previous polish stained your nails a few drops bleach mixed in water and applied with a Q-Tip will help. If your nails are naked keep them clean! Also keep them clean if painted.

Foot care is a biggie. I shouldn’t have to say it but I do, wash your feet. It doesn’t stop there. If you get regular pedicures great for you and most of this is done for you. But for some of us this economy has deflated our Pedi Fund. (It’s sad, I know) Use some type of exfoliating scrub and device to remove that nasty dry dead skin. They don’t hurt you; the little one that looks like a cheese grater works wonders. Focus on the heels! After you’ve washed and exfoliated please apply lotion. An old school trick to soften feet is to apply a thick lotion, cream, or petroleum jelly on your feet at night and sleep in socks. Keeping nails properly trimmed is also a must! They are too short if there is no white, and too long if they curl around the tip of your toe.

These are not hard rules to live by. Very simple and easy, follow these simple steps and you’ll be doing all of us a favor.

Guys you're not off the hook. Make sure your feet are cleaned and groomed. Polish will be excused.

VPL

VPL is a disease I thought had been eliminated. But it seems to be on the rise again. For those of you who do not know what this is here is a quick definition: VPL is short for visible panty lines, this is when you are able to see the cut of a woman's panties through her clothing.

With the numerous cuts and styles now available I can't fathom how people are unable to avoid this awful disease. I will name a few that may work for you.

1) Thongs. The easiest choice. But some people can't find one that is comfy for them. There are tons on materials and widths of the back to try, so please don't rule this out until you've tried.

2) Boy Shorts: This is a newer option and can be tricky. It's all about the elastic in the leg opening. If the elastic is too tight it'll cut into your booty and cause lines. If it is of the cheeky variety try some with little or no elastic.

3) Briefs: Even the old stand by now comes in seamless! So for those of you who are unwilling to venture onto something new for fear of potential discomfort please go seamless.

4) None: Need I say more. Just make sure there are no cameras aimed at your stuff, I don't want to see that mess on FaceBook!

No matter the cut you go with it is all about the FIT! If the panties are too small you'll create muffin top which is another terrible thing to be diagnosed with. Proper fit and maybe a pair of Spanx will fix that. The smaller the booty the more options, the bigger the booty the lesser options. Alway check your rearview before leaving the house.

And no there will not be any examples posted.

Leggings are NOT pants!

This is a debate that I am passionate about. Yes, leggings resemble pants but they are not. Leggings are intended to be worn under something. Examples are: skirts, dresses, tunic length tops, or for a flashback to the 80's shorts. But not as pants. I do not want to see your goodies on display! Of course there always exceptions to the rule, Victoria's Secret models, Rihanna, Gwen Stefani and those types, but the average woman NO. Just say no ladies. I know some of you will strongly disagree with me, however you know that I'm right.

There is also a difference in skinny jeans & denim leggings. Skinny jeans are jeans, denim leggings are leggings. If you become confused in the difference when looking here is a tip: skinny jeans will have a real zipper and pockets, and denim leggings may have fake ones. The rules above apply to denim leggings too.

The rule also applies to when you are at the gym!

THIS IS WHAT SOME OF YA'LL ASKED FOR

Some of ya'll wanted me to start jotting down my random stories and thought so here it goes. I'm always the go to person for advice, now the advice is available to all.

We're all always seeking approval from someone, a guy/girl, our parents, our friends etc. But how can anyone approve of you if you don't approve of yourself? They can't. Learn to be who you are and be comfortable in your own skin. We all have done things that we regret but it's how you chose to manage those regrets that matters. Those learning experiences are what makes you who you are today. Don't be ashamed of them.

I challenge you to look at yourself and find three positive things to say about yourself each day. Strip yourself down and stand in front of the mirror and really take a long look at what you see. Who is the person staring back at you? It is awkward at first but I guarantee you that it gets easier. Today I took off all the make-up and pulled my hair away from my face and took a long look into myself. I decided that I like my lips, shoulders and the fact that I'm dependable.

If you can't love yourself no one else can love you. In closing I love me!